Saturday, 21 January 2017

Parenting tips: Learn why your elder one owns up fast

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If you find that your elder one often confesses wrongdoings even if he/she stands to face punishment, he/she is not alone. According to researchers, the elder kids are more likely to confess their misdeeds than their younger siblings.

Researchers from the University of Maryland conducted a study on four-to-nine-year-old kids about a series of hypothetical situations in which children committed misdeeds and then either lied or confessed.

The result found that four-to-five-year-olds were more likely to connect positive emotions to the act of lying and negative emotions for confessing their wrongdoing.
On the other hand, the seven-to-nine-year-olds more often associated guilt with lying and positive emotions with confessing.

“The goal of the study was to investigate the emotions that children associate with lying and confessing,” said Craig Smith, lead research investigator.
The study also tested whether these emotions were connected to children’s tendencies to confess or cover up misdeeds in real-world situations.

The researcher also explained how to deal when a child comes forth with a offence.
“Convey that you’re going to listen without getting angry right away. As a parent, you might not be happy with what your child did, but if you want to keep an open line of communication with your child, you can try to show them that you’re happy that your child has told you about it,” Smith explained in the Journal of Experimental Child Psychology.


This open communication becomes even more critical when the child is a teenager and must grapple with adult issues such as whether to confide in a parent or conceal issues like calling for a ride home when alcohol is involved or substance abuse.

Thursday, 19 January 2017

PARENTING TIPS

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Guide to Easy Parenting

First time Parents often wish bringing up kids was easier. Well, here's a good news: It is!! And it always has been; given the right attitude. Nobody knows it better than the old school. The new breed of parents has taken their task so seriously, that it has taken away all fun from it. Here are top ten tips for your makeover from an idealistic, stressed out parents to being a fun friend for your child.

1. Kids are precious; but we don't put them in lockers. You can't safeguard every fall. Keep your worries realistic.
2. Don't take parenting too seriously. It is a life long relationship with your children, it has to be some fun too. He does't have to have a fixed daily calorie intake to be healthy.
3. Every rule has exceptions. Except rule no. 3. If you really need a break, it's okey to find a less than ideal babysitter in Television, hot water bathtube, or a packet of chips!
4. Rewards and Incentives are your best friends. They are better than even diamonds.
5. Loosen up your housekeeping. Do not expect your glass center table to be shining all the time when your three-year-old doll likes to play-dough there.
6. In stress situations, give them concrete idea of time, count from 1 to 10 before blowing it out. Instead of saying, “keep it back” ten times, try “If you do not keep that bowl back till I finish my counting till ten, you'll get a timeout.
7. You can not guarantee the success or character of your children, parents are just one important factor in it. We have to accept things we can't change. If your girl is shy and introvert, stop pushing her to be the star of the class. Less than champion children are not just okay, but great, sometimes even better. Don't fret over little stuff like mastering nursery rhymes. Don't burn them out. Your kids would be nearly as perfect as you

yourself are.
8. Don't measure your success by theirs. It will,undoubtedly,bring you a lot of pride, but your success as a person is not solely dependent on your success as a parent. For that matter, If a child is success in the material world, it dose'tnecessarily mean that a
parent has been successful in parenting.
9. Do not be available always. Set limits. Act yourself as an adult and treat them as a kid. Kids today are very smart and understand quickly the extent to which they can use their parent. While loving, cherishing and talking care of the kids is a beautiful work to do, set aside strict limits for you. Do not sacrifice everythings you loved to do for the sake

of your child.
10.Prioritize what values do you believe is a must in your child. Concentrate on them and live with the other netural personality traits of your child. A child is a lovely gift, love and cherish it, trying ti improve him all the time is simply spoiling the natural beauty of thi gift.

Monday, 16 January 2017

One Word to Address Childhood Obesity

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I am asked fairly often how best to “approach” the issue of childhood obesity. The question is posed by patients in the clinic, on-line, from the microphone during Q&A sessions at conferences, and even by clinical colleagues. There is good reason for sensitivity on the topic. There is, I think, a certain wince factor associated with the term “obesity” in the first place, although that may have waned over time as constant exposure has desensitized us.

And second, any decent adult appreciates the vulnerability of a child. Confront a delicate issue badly, and delicate feelings can wind up badly hurt.

All of which might suggest the answer is elusive, or subtle, or complicated. But in fact, I think it is none of the above. I think it’s accessible, blunt, and simple as can be. I think the best approach to childhood obesity can be expressed with just one word. That word is: love.
Generally, the content here will be data driven. If you return here often, as I hope you will for new and updated information, you will quickly get used to hyperlinks leading to diverse reference material, peer-reviewed research papers in particular. But this is something of a case apart. There is certainly relevant literature to cite, but I confess this is more from the heart. This has as much to do with being a parent as a physician, and more to do with 25 years of interacting with real people in my clinics than reading research data about people I’ve never met

Love is the right approach.

Parents of young children are notoriously oblivious to the actual weight status of their children. Why? Because acknowledging “obesity” in a child is thought of as a blight on all concerned: the parent’s parenting, the child’s body. But ignoring a problem never fixes it, and unaddressed, obesity in early childhood portends a diminished life: fewer years of life, less life in years.

No loving parent wants that. So the reason to recognize and react to obesity is- love.
There is no blight associated with protecting those we love from anything that can harm them. There is no shame, blame, guilt, or judgment involved in defending our kids from a threat. Look for, and react to early hints of childhood obesity for reasons having nothing to do with pride, or shame, or body image; success, or failure. Replace all that with love. If you love your children, do all you can to protect them. We as parents (or grandparents) are not to blame for the fact that we live in a world of dangers that can find our children, rampant obesity and its sequelae among them. But we are always responsible, with love as our motivation, for doing all we can to protect them.

Similarly, parents of older children are apparently somewhat misguided about the weight status of their children, as the kids are themselves. Again, this is because weight is encumbered by considerations of success and failure, pride or shame.

Parents don’t know how to broach the topic with their older, or even adult children. Grandparents don’t know how to broach the topic with their kids, to address concerns about their grandchildren. Parents don’t know how to tell grandma to stop dishing out junk food.
Love is the answer in every instance. The loving parent can say to a child of any age: “I love you, and I am concerned that your weight may be affecting your health. I want you to have the longest, best life possible- because I love you. How can I help?”

Any parent can say to any grandparent: “I know you love your grandchildren, and I know that treats may seem a good way to show it. But the best gift we can pass along is vigorous health and vitality; healthy people have more fun! Please work with me to give this child we love the longest, best life possible.”

And for that matter, any doctor can say to any patient: “My job is to protect your health every way I can. I am concerned that your weight is a threat to your health, so I would like to discuss it with you- and discuss how we can address it together. Is that OK?” If you ask this question, and mean it- I’ve never met the patient who would say “no.”

Finally, we all know the adage: in unity, there is strength. One of our great blunders in addressing obesity is to isolate ourselves, and one another. Adults go on “diets” and leave their kids behind. Parents want guidance to address the obesity in a child, rather than recognizing that families generally find health (and/or lose weight) most effectively together. A family working together to be healthy for the long run avoids all of the potential stigma and shame of a lone child being “treated” for obesity. Eating well and being active are good for all concerned, whether there is a need for weight loss, or not. Commit to health as a family, because no child is an island. Because in unity, there is strength. Because you love one another.

The one word defense against blame and shame; stigma and blight; judgment and isolation- is love. If love is our motivation, and informs our methods- we simply can’t go too far wrong.

Thursday, 12 January 2017

10 Newborn tips for new moms

Baby tips for new moms

Try and try again

While you are learning what your baby will respond well to – when it comes to putting him to sleep, feeding time and even play time – don't be afraid to try different techniques. If she is fussing while you are rocking her in your arms, try putting her up against your shoulder; if you put her down and she starts crying, offer her a pacifier or try putting her in the infant swing. While you are getting used to your babies likes and dislikes, you may need to test out several different things before you find what really makes her smile.

Let your baby tell you what she needs

Instead of forcing a schedule on a newborn, feel out her needs for a few days. Let her eat on-demand without applying an "every two hour" schedule. She may need to eat more often than that, especially in the first few weeks.

Don't overexpose

While you don't have to rush your baby home from the hospital and keep him isolated in the house for the first two months of his life, it's not a bad idea to limit his exposure to big crowds and lots of other kids, especially during flu season.

Listen to your gut

As a new mom, you may get more advice on how to raise your child than you ever hoped to hear! Take it all with a grain of salt —just because grandma put her kids down to sleep on their stomachs, doesn't mean you should too. Things have changed! Ultimately, you know your baby best. Listen to her clues and your own instincts.

Get some zzz's

Lack of sleep might be one of the most difficult parts of new motherhood! So if baby goes down for a morning snooze, follow suit and lie down. Even if you don't actually fall asleep, the downtime will replenish you.

Make sure baby's car seat is properly installed


Your baby's safety is paramount, and having a car seat won't protect your baby to the fullest extent if it's not installed properly. Contact your local fire department to see if they can install it for you.
Be prepared

One thing's for sure: you never know what to expect when it comes to a newborn! When you leave the house, make sure you are equipped with an extra change of clothes for baby, plenty of diapers and wipes, an extra towel, pacifier and a bottle of milk or formula in case she gets hungry earlier than you anticipated.

Get some alone time

Every day, carve out some time that is just for you. Between feeding, changing and trying to get your baby down to sleep, you may find yourself emotionally depleted. Take a quick bath, read a magazine for 10 minutes or paint your toenails while baby enjoys the swing or bouncy seat.

Stay calm

If you are feeling frustrated, take a time out. Put baby in the crib or another safe spot and take a 10-minute breather. If you're stressed, baby will pick up on your tension.

Don't be afraid to ask for help

They don't say, "It takes a village…" for nothing! Raising a baby is hard work, but you don't have to go it alone. Enlist your hubby, your parents and your friends to help out when things get tough.

Sunday, 8 January 2017

Are You An Over-Protective Parent


Are You An Over-Protective Parent



Has anyone ever asked you if you are an overprotective parent? Well, in a majority of cases, you may not know what answer is to be given to this question. So, if you are still unsure about the signs of an overprotective parent, you must read this article to know more.
Being protective means you love your child and also give your child his/her freedom of choice. Whereas, being an overprotective parent means that you love your child, but don't allow him/her to move out of your set boundaries.

Overprotection can have just the reverse consequence of your actual intention. Being an overprotective parent, you may think that you are offering a protective shield to your kid; however, it can have an opposite result. Thus, before it is too late, read on to know about the various signs of being overprotectiv.

You Escort Them Wherever They Go


If you always go along with your kids everywhere they go, then you are being an overprotective parent. If your kids are going somewhere with other trusted acquaintances or family members and you cannot leave them because of your infinite apprehensions, then you are most likely to be an overprotective parent.

You Are Too Probing


Being a responsible parent you already know the normal activities of your kids on a daily basis. However, if you are adamant on knowing each and every detail about them every day, then it can be a problem. This is also a sign of overprotection, which can create a bad impression on your kids' mind that you don't have faith in them.

You Build Too Many Protected Zones

If you create a lot of safety zones for your kids, then they will never be able to recognise the outer world. Your kids are in their growing phase when they need to interact with many other kinds of people. It is essential for them to make friends and join in a variety of activities to experience the real essence of life.

You Don't Allow Them To Take Their Decisions

If you don't allow your kids to take their own decision, they are likely to be deficient in the crucial life skills. They will lack the decision-making skills. They will not be able to take important career decisions or other life-changing decisions. This can also result in a low self-esteem and low confidence level in their future course.

You Never Allow Your Kids To Fail


There is no doubt that any kind of failure is upsetting. But, the fact is, we all have to face failure at some or the other point in life. For instance, your kid has been allotted a project, which needs to be done and submitted within a day; and he/she is not worried about it at all.

In such a situation, just tell him/her once and turn your back, and there's no need to keep reminding him/her again and help him/her do the project. If even after telling your kids, they doesn't listen, let them face the results.

You can be rest assured that the next time your child will definitely show some responsibility. Let them face the failure, so that they can deal with it in the future.


Monday, 26 December 2016

Healing Birth Trauma


This one goes at the top of the article.


“Research has proven that babies born without trauma enjoy an intact capacity to love and trust”, says midwife Robin Lim. The way a baby is born can create physical and emotional patterns that may affect him for the rest of his life in both positive andnegative ways. The way each baby is born gives us a wonderful opportunity to create a better world. But sadly the way most babies arrive in the world today is not optimal, as birth is often turned from a natural occurrence into an unnatural medical event. But with the relatively recent work of professionals such as Dr William Emerson and Dr Aletha Solter in the USA, much can be done to help these babies from the very beginning.

On a cellular level, babies are conscious from conception. As the foetus matures and the brain and central nervous system develop, the baby begins to experience the relationship with his mother. He is affected not only by the food she eats and whether or not she breathes clean air, but also by her state of mind and emotions. Stress hormones are passed to the baby via the placenta, and likewise, ‘feel good’ hormones reach the baby when the mother is relaxed and happy. So he will tend to feel what the mother feels and experience her emotional states as his own.

By the time the baby is born, he has 9 months of life experience and learning behind him. But birth is such a huge transition, that it becomes the source of very important programming and imprinting, teaching him what to expect from the world he is entering, and creating ‘life-scripts’.

Labour can be a time of hard but shared work, culminating in the reward of a successful birth, or it can be an experience of exhausting struggle, inside a drugged mother, with the baby having to be ‘rescued’ at the end. It can also be an elective caesarean section where the baby experiences being pulled out of his mother’s body without warning

If he is taken away from the mother after birth (experienced by the baby as ‘abandonment’) more trauma is added. Healthy newborns, full-term or premature, should never be separated from their mothers.

LIFE SCRIPTS LEARNED WHEN THERE ARE COMPLICATIONS


Children who have needed ‘assisted deliveries’ (forceps, vacuum extraction, caesarean section) often find it easy to begin things but tend to become easily discouraged later, just as they were able to begin, but not complete their birth experience. So they may need help and encouragement in order to complete tasks.
Babies born by elective caesarean section (sometimes necessary) may have some of the following life scripts: “Life is something that happens to me” (passivity) or “I don’t like things happening suddenly when I am not ready”. These babies have also missed out on the important stimulation of the birth contractions.

In a difficult labour, if help comes as soon as the baby goes into distress, he will learn, “When things go wrong, someone helps me”. If rescue takes a long time to arrive, the baby learns, “Survival is hard and I have to struggle all by myself to stay alive”, or “I need help or I shall die”.

The babies most affected are those who do nearly die and need to be resuscitated. Such difficult births can lead to lives dominated by feelings of helplessness and depression, especially if there is no contact with or comfort from the mother straight after birth. But these babies can be helped with sensitive parenting and extra therapy if needed.

HELPING THE CHILD IF BIRTH HAS BEEN DIFFICULT

If the baby has had a difficult birth, the most helpful thing the parents can do is to hold and comfort him. This will teach him that even when life seems hard or painful, there will be love and comfort afterwards.

A baby born by elective caesarean section misses out on the stimulation of the labour contractions which can lead to physical and emotional problems. Daily massage, starting as soon as possible, can help.
If a baby has been separated from the mother after birth, he will need a great deal of loving touch and closeness throughout infancy and childhood. Doing Kangaroo Mother Care, wearing the baby in a sling in the day time, and co-sleeping with the baby at night are all helpful.
If a child has been rendered passive or helpless by a birth experience where being non-assertive was life-saving, it helps to create new, more assertive patterns early on. Always encourage a child who is having difficulty starting or completing things. Consistently acknowledge hard work with warm appreciation

THE WORK OF DR SOLTER AND DR EMERSON

The work of Drs William Emerson and Aletha Solter is unique, as they begin the healing work with babies. Therapy from a professional is valuable if the trauma was severe, but Dr Solter also teaches parents how to support babies who have undergone early trauma. She points out that there are two reasons why babies cry – one is that they have a need in the present. They may be hungry, ill, in pain or needing more love and holding. But if taking care of these needs doesn’t help, the baby may in fact be spontaneously reliving earlier trauma and should not be stopped from crying, but rather be ‘facilitated’.

FOLLOWING THE BABY’S CUES

During her workshop in Cape Town in May 2007 I had the privilege of watching Dr Solter do this work with a baby of about 2 months old (though Dr Solter didn’t say it was birth the baby was reliving, it seemed clear to me.) The baby, who was with his mother in the audience, was ‘niggling’ and though the mother was trying to calm him, nothing she did helped. Dr Solter asked the mother if she would like to bring him forward. It was established that the baby had recently been fed and wasn’t hungry. But he had been through a very long second-stage of labour, and the mother had to push for many hours, before he was born.


With the mother sitting beside her, Dr Solter held the baby gently and made eye contact with him. Then she very gently cupped her hand over his head. He began to cry more loudly, and I recognized this cry as ‘birth crying’ from my own experience of working with these issues in therapy (both my own, and facilitating other people). He also started pushing very hard with his legs, so Dr Solter put her hands under his feet to give him something to push against. (It is very important when doing this work to follow the cues that the baby gives). The baby cried very hard for about 15 minutes and then he became calm, and was handed back to his mother, relaxed and peaceful.

THE THERAPY PROCESS

In Dr Emerson’s work, babies who have been through birth trauma are brought to him for a series of therapy sessions. Therapy includes not only the reliving of the original trauma, but also an experience of how an optimal birth would have been, called ‘repatterning’. For example, if the baby was stuck in the birth canal or missed out on this part of labour, a new ‘birth canal’ may be created (e.g. using his mother’s legs, or a tunnel made of pillows). As his therapy progresses, he will be assisted to push himself through it, and be ‘delivered’ at the other end. Dr Emerson feels that this part of the therapy is important, and that catharsis alone is not enough. (In Aletha Solter’s method, re-empowering the baby would be included in “Attachment Play”).

In therapy the baby will give body cues to indicate how and where trauma is stored. That part of the body may then be gently touched to reactivate the memory of the trauma. For example, if the baby was delivered by forceps, the head will be very sensitive. A baby born with the cord tightly wound around his neck might be helped by gentle touch on the neck area. The baby is also allowed to engage in the process, or to choose not to. He is always treated very respectfully, and allowed to ‘take the lead’ in where his therapy is going. Babies will often indicate very clearly to the therapist through their body language and movements which parts of their bodies have been traumatised and where help is needed.

Thursday, 15 December 2016

Alternative Family Law Children

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Parental Responsibility


Parental responsibility is defined as “all the rights, duties, powers, responsibilities and authority which by law a parent of a child has”. It is hard to imagine a more circular definition. In practice is means that someone with parental responsibility has a right to take part in major decisions in the child’s life, such as schooling and whether the child should move abroad etc. In addition, parental responsibility is defined as “rights of custody” for the purposes of the Hague Convention on Child Abduction, which applies in all European Union, many Western and some other countries. This means that someone can only take the child permanently out of England and Wales with permission of all other people with parental responsibility or with permission of the court.
Before considering parental responsibility, you need to be clear about who the legal parents of the child areaccording to English law, which is not necessarily obvious in cases where a child is born to same-sex couples or through surrogacy.

Mothers



The mother always has parental responsibility, provided she is the legal mother of the child.
Co-mothers (Non-birth Mothers - “Other Parents”)
In English law a woman who is not the biological mother of the child can be legally the other parent of a child if she is the mother’s same-sex partner in a lesbian relationship (see legal paternity after sperm donation). Such a woman has parental responsibility in a very similar way as a legal father. This does not apply to an adoptive mother or a woman who is the mother of a child after a parental order made after surrogacy. Such a mother always has parental responsibility, whatever the gender of the other parent.

Child Arrangements Orders and Parental Responsibility

If the court makes a child arrangements order in favour of a person or persons providing the child lives with them(what used to be a residence order), they automatically have parental responsibility while that order is in force, even if they do not otherwise have parental responsibility. This is one of the two ways that a stepparent who is not married or the civil partner of the parent with whom the child lives could get parental responsibility.

Stepparents


Stepparents, i.e. the spouse or the civil partner of the father or the mother, can get parental responsibility by a similar parental responsibility agreement or by court order. This only works for spouses and same-sex civil partners and not for cohabitants. All parents who already have parental responsibility must sign the agreement. Therefore if the father already has parental responsibility and he refuses to sign, the mother’s spouse or civil partner would need to apply to the court for a parental responsibility order. The father’s (and the “second parent’s“) spouse or civil partner can of course also get parental responsibility in the same way.
If you and your partner are not married or civil partners and do not plan to change that, the only way for both to get parental responsibility is if the court makes a child arrangements order providing that the child shall live with both of you (what used to be a joint residence order).

Child Arrangements Orders and Parental Responsibility



If the court makes a child arrangements order in favour of a person or persons providing the child lives with them(what used to be a residence order), they automatically have parental responsibility while that order is in force, even if they do not otherwise have parental responsibility. This is one of the two ways that a stepparent who is not married or the civil partner of the parent with whom the child lives could get parental responsibility.

Stepparents, i.e. the spouse or the civil partner of the father or the mother, can get parental responsibility by a similar parental responsibility agreement or by court order. This only works for spouses and same-sex civil partners and not for cohabitants. All parents who already have parental responsibility must sign the agreement. Therefore if the father already has parental responsibility and he refuses to sign, the mother’s spouse or civil partner would need to apply to the court for a parental responsibility order. The father’s (and the “second parent’s“) spouse or civil partner can of course also get parental responsibility in the same way.

If you and your partner are not married or civil partners and do not plan to change that, the only way for both to get parental responsibility is if the court makes a child arrangements order providing that the child shall live with both of you (what used to be a joint residence order).