The Best Parenting Advice I Ever Got

  

Moms and dads in 2013 have an ever-expanding network of family, friends, Facebook friends, friends-of-kinda-sorta-friends and total strangers to crowd-source ideas for getting through your latest dilemma. While this can be a recipe for information overload, sometimes you get that laser-focused advice or perfectly timed Facebook message that puts things into perspective. So we asked experts, celebrities and (of course) you to send us the best piece of advice you ever got. You're gonna want to hit the share button on these.

Potty Training

When they say “I'm a big girl” or “I don't want to wear diapers anymore,” stop what you're doing and head right to the store to let them pick out new underwear. If you wait, the moment will have passed. —Kim Graham-Nye, co-founder, gDiapers

Take them to the bathroom every 30 minutes, and go straight to undies. —Kristina B., via Facebook

In the bathroom, we put up a colorful “Potty I Did It!” chart with stickers that they picked out. When they went in the potty, they placed a sticker on the chart. If they got four stickers, they could choose either a trip to Menchie's yogurt, a book from Barnes & Noble, or a trip to the mall's indoor playground (their fave). It was hit and miss at first, and then highly effective. —Tori Spelling, actress and author
 

 Raising Good Kids

At the White House

No matter what's going on, at 6:30 p.m. we stop everything and have dinner together as a family. It creates good teaching moments, when something that might otherwise sound like a lecture becomes a nice conversation around the dinner table. —Michelle Obama, First Lady of the United States

Character isn't something you teach to your kids.

Character is something you show them. Not in some epic moment of your life, but in the sum of your daily actions. Want a good kid? Be a good adult. —Kelly Combs, blogger, ChattyKelly.com

Help your children understand the difference between needs and wants.

 There are items that we need in order to live and then there are items that we like but can live without. That line can become very blurred. —Lisa Reynolds, mom saver-in-chief at coupon website RedPlum.com

The surest way to make life difficult for your children is to make it too easy for them.

Prepare the child for the path, not the path for the child. —Betsy Brown Braun, author of Just Tell Me What to Say

Our role as parents is not to ensure our kids are happy.

 It's to prepare them to find their own happiness. So it's good to let kids fail. They will learn how to cope when things don't go their way, and gain the self-confidence to try new things, and go for it. —Marc Lore, co-founder, Diapers.com

 Sleeping

 Midnight isn't a good time to attempt a new approach to your baby's latest waking. You're better off to continue with your current method, rather than try something new out of desperation. Make a plan during the day when you can think clearly. —Suzanne Hansen, baby sleep coach, Plan2Sleep.com

Around 6 p.m., I start yawning in front of my 5-year-old and telling her how late it is. She can't tell time, so I capitalize on this to get her into bed at an appropriate hour. —Kendra Robins, founder, Project Night Night, which donates care packages to homeless kids

Children don't understand time, but they do understand sleep. So if my kids were going to see Grandma in two days, I would tell them we'll be visiting her in two sleeps. They understood that they needed to go to bed to make it happen. —Molly H., via Facebook

Don't tiptoe around the baby. Allow her to sleep with noises all around. —Jacki W., via Facebook

Marriage After Kids

Make it a point to have sex once a week. It's called Hump Day for a reason. —Suzanne Bastien, reader

A mom once told me: “Hire a babysitter for a date night every week and tell her you'll pay her no matter what.” It forces you to take the time for each other. —Melissa Taylor, blogger, Class Notes, on parenting.com

When your kids are older, they will not remember that you went out once in a while—but you will. —Elisa D., via Facebook

I never feel guilty sticking my kids in front of the TV if it's for A.) a hot shower; B.) to make them a healthy dinner; C.) sex. None of that stuff takes long enough for their brains to start rotting (Sorry, babe.) —Erin Zammett Ruddy, blogger, Mom Without a Filter, on parenting.com

Breastfeeding

If you want to introduce your breastfeeding baby to a bottle, Mom should leave the room or even the house. For many babies, if she's around, the bottle won't be an option. —Alan Greene, M.D., pediatrician

Breastfeeding is a lifestyle choice. Know this going in, and you will better adjust to what your baby needs, instead of trying to fit feeding into your own routine and getting frustrated. —Katie Parsons, reader

I put glasses of water everywhere so no matter where I sat to nurse, I could always rehydrate. —Jessica C., via Facebook

When you see your newborn sucking her fingers or fist, or rooting around, it's time for a feeding. A crying baby can be difficult to latch, so watching for these early cues can make breastfeeding go much more smoothly. —Amy West, certified lactation counselor

When your baby gets up in the middle of the night, go pee before you pick him up. He will be OK for another minute, and you'll sit comfortably through the feeding. —Abby R., via Facebook

Managing the Chaos

If you're running late, it's not the kids' fault. Don't take it out on them. Get up earlier. This was a true revelation that changed my mornings. —Jaime Gold, reader

When you're really angry, pretend someone is watching and judging you. When I was teaching, if a student was pushing my buttons, I would pretend I was being evaluated. It would force me to stay ultra-calm. Now I do it as a mom, and it still works. —Allison McDonald, blogger, No Time for Flashcards

My dad always described outings as “adventures,” even if we were going to the grocery store. I find myself doing it with my own son, and it makes life so much more exciting. —Joanna Goddard, blogger, A Cup of Jo

First Weeks With Baby

Use a zip-close, netted laundry bag for washing and drying all those tiny socks together. You'll never have to dig to find them or worry about losing them. —Jennifer W., via Facebook

When I had my first child, my mother told me to be slightly ahead of my kids' needs. Feed them just before they get too hungry, get them something to drink just before they get too thirsty, and give them time to rest just before they get too cranky. —Alan Greene, M.D.

Use the diaper as a poop shield when you're changing your baby. When newborns go, it's like a squirt gun. Always hold the old diaper over the bottom until you're totally ready to put on the new diaper. —Laura S., via Facebook

Stay in your pajamas when people come to visit. People will think you're about to have a nap or still haven't had time to shower, and—hopefully—they won't overstay their welcome. —Patti K., via Facebook

Always pack a shirt for yourself in the diaper bag. Always. —Kayliegh M., via Facebook

Use disposable plates and cups during the first few weeks so there's no dishwashing to worry about. —Christie B., via Facebook

Velcro. Forget the snap-on onesies. When it's 3 a.m. and you can't see straight, you'll thank me. —Ana Connery

Picky Eaters

Get picky eaters involved in the process. If you give them even the smallest task, they'll feel invested in the dish and are more likely to try it. You can even get them involved in the grocery shopping, and have them come up with ideas as to what to make. —Dean McDermott, actor and reality show star

Everything tastes better when it's jazzed up a bit. Try offering your child a shaker of toasted sesame seeds or salt-free seasoning for her to add flavor to her veggies. —Catherine McCord, blogger, Weelicious

Parent Hacks

Parent Hacks (parenthacks.com) has been sharing user-submitted shortcuts for simplifying family life since 2005. Founder Asha Dornfest, also the author of Minimalist Parenting, shares her favorite hacks.

Play-Doh as glitter cleaner

Glitter is incapable of remaining unspilled, but rolling Play-Doh over it mops it right up. Bonus: Now you've got glittery Play-Doh!

Shoe organizer as pantry snack bar

Fill a clear over-the-door organizer with healthy, snack-size eats and let kids self-serve. No pleading for junk, and no interrupting what you were doing to fix a snack.

Silly Bandz as water-glass markers

Got a ton of these shaped rubber bands left over from the craze? Keep a pile near glasses, assign each of your kids a color and have them roll a band around the first cup of the day.

Tissue box as car trash can

Use an empty Kleenex box to collect all the wrappers and snack bags that usually roll around the minivan. The design is perfect: Trash goes in but can't get out.

10 Best Books for Thinking Parents

 

I geek out about books that help me understand my kids' brains and how I can facilitate learning, growth, and creativity. Since I read so many books, I thought you might like to know my very favorite books for parents. Are they parenting books? Maybe. I'd say they are books for thinking parents about kids. Read liberally. Ponder. Apply as needed.

1. Mind in the Making: The Seven Essential Life Skills Every Child Needs by Ellen Galinsky

Here's a book that requires a highlighter and notepad - it's really exceptional. The seven essential skills, according to Galinsky, are 1. Focus and Self Control, 2. Perspective Taking, 3. Communicating, 4. Making Connections, 5. Critical Thinking, 6. Taking On Challenges, 7. Self-Directed, Engaged Learning. A must-read!

 

 

 



2. NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman
This book will change everything you think! The authors take the latest science and apply it to parenting in areas like motivation, praise, sibling relationships, sleep, and more. 

 

 

 



3. Smart Parenting for Smart Kids: Nurturing Your Child’s True Potential by Eileen Kennedy Moore, PhD Mark S Lowenthal, PsyD

This book is exceptionally helpful! It talks about tempering perfectionism and tells us parents to resist giving pointers to our kids (aka. shut up and listen, in my words.) I loved the chapters on temperament, sensitivity, cooperation, joy, and . . . heck, it's all good.

 

 

4. Playful Learning: Develop Your Child’s Sense of Joy and Wonder by Mariah Bruehl

Bruehl is a former teacher who makes play and learning accessible to parents at home with kids. I loved this book and highlighted at least half.

 

 

 

 



5. Einstein Never Used Flashcards: How Our Children Really Learn – and Why They Need to Play More and Memorize Less by Kathy Hirsh-Pasek, Ph.D. & Roberta Michnick Golinkoff, Ph.D.
Parents, before you put your child into preschool, READ THIS BOOK. The research overwhelmingly shows the difference in how play is essential for child development in math, reading, verbal communication, science, self-awareness and social skills. NOT academics. It's very compelling.

 

 

 



6. Brain Rules for Baby: How to Raise a Smart and Happy Child from Zero to Five by John Medina
The science of a child's growing brain is explained in layman's terms by the hilarious Medina. Check out his online videos, too - they're great.

 

 

 



7. No Regrets Parenting: Turning Long Days and Short Years into Cherished Moments with Your Kids by Harley Robart, M.D.
A quick read with gifts of wisdom for busy parents about being present in the life of our children. 

 

 

 



8. Different Learners: Identifying, Preventing, and Treating Your Child’s Learning Problems by Jane M. Healy, Ph.D.
An eye-opening book that synthesizes the latest brain research and helps us understand what learning issues are genetically based and which are triggered, or both. Not only that, this book explains how to nurture a child's brain versus trigger learning problems. 

 

 

 



9. Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids by Kim John Payne and Lisa M. Ross
I got a lot out of this book about reducing the amount of clutter, even reducing sensory overload. I loved how this book helped me with routine and ritual. It's fantastic! 

 

 

 



10. Fun On the Run by Cynthia L. Copeland
I keep this book with me - it's got lots of creative ideas for things to do anywhere - waiting at the doctor's office, restaurants, car rides, it's an essential.

മാതാപിതാക്കള്‍ ഇങ്ങനെയൊക്കെയായിരിക്കണം?

 

കുട്ടികളുടെ നല്ല ഭാവിയ്ക്കും ഭാവിയുടെ സുരക്ഷിതത്വത്തിനും വേണ്ടി കഷ്ടപ്പെടുന്നവര്‍ തന്നെയാണ് എല്ലാ മാതാപിതാക്കളും. എന്നാല്‍ ചില മാതാപിതാക്കളെങ്കിലും വിചാരിയ്ക്കുന്നുണ്ട് ഞാന്‍ അല്‍പം സ്ട്രിക്ട് ആയാലേ കുട്ടികള്‍ ശരിയാവൂ എന്ന്. ഗർഭകാലത്തു കഴിക്കാവുന്ന ചില സപ്ലിമെന്റുകൾ

എന്നാല്‍ എല്ലാ രക്ഷിതാക്കളും വിശ്വസിച്ചു പോരുന്ന ചില മിത്തുകള്‍ ഉണ്ട്. ബന്ധുക്കളില്‍ നിന്നും അയല്‍ക്കാരില്‍ നിന്നും കേട്ടു പോന്ന ചില വിശ്വാസങ്ങളാണ് പലപ്പോഴും പല മാതാപിതാക്കളേയും ഇത്തരം സ്വഭാവക്കാരാക്കുന്നതും. കാലങ്ങളായി മാതാപിതാക്കള്‍ പിന്തുടര്‍ന്നു പോരുന്ന ചില കാര്യങ്ങളുണ്ട്. അവ എന്തൊക്കെ എന്ന് നോക്കാം.

കരയുന്ന കുട്ടിയെ എടുക്കരുത് 

ഒരിക്കലും കരയുന്ന കുട്ടിയെ എടുക്കരുത് എന്നാണ് മുതിര്‍ന്നവര്‍ പഠിപ്പിക്കുന്ന ശീലം. ഇത് കുട്ടികളില്‍ അച്ചടക്കം ഇല്ലാതാക്കും എന്നാണ് പറയുന്ന കാരണം. പക്ഷേ കുട്ടിയെ ശാന്തനാക്കാന്‍ എടുക്കുകയാണ് വഴിയെങ്കില്‍ അത് തന്നെ പിന്തുടരാം. 

കാലാവസ്ഥയിലെ മാറ്റം 

തണുത്ത കാലാവസ്ഥയില്‍ കുട്ടികള്‍ക്ക് പനി പിടിയ്ക്കും. എന്നാല്‍ അത്തരത്തിലൊരു കാരണം ഇല്ല. ഇതിന് കാരണം പലപ്പോഴും കുട്ടിയുടെ രോഗപ്രതിരോധ ശേഷി കുറയുന്നതാണ്. അതിന് തണുപ്പെന്നോ ചൂടെന്നോ ഇല്ല.

ആദ്യമായി പല്ല് വരുമ്പോള്‍ 

ആദ്യമായി പല്ല് വരുമ്പോള്‍ കുഞ്ഞിന് പനിയുണ്ടാവും എന്നൊരു വിശ്വാസമുണ്ട്. എന്നാല്‍ പല്ല് വരുമ്പോള്‍ കുഞ്ഞിന് ചെറിയ തരത്തിലുള്ള വേദന ഉണ്ടാവും എന്നത് സത്യമാണ്. എന്നാല്‍ ഒരിക്കലും അത് പനിയുമായി താരതമ്യം ചെയ്യേണ്ടതില്ല. 

ജ്യൂസ് തരുന്ന ആരോഗ്യം 

മറ്റ് ഭക്ഷണങ്ങളേക്കാള്‍ ആരോഗ്യം ജ്യൂസ് കഴിയ്ക്കുമ്പോഴാണ് എന്ന വിശ്വസിക്കുന്നവരാണ് മറ്റു ചില രക്ഷിതാക്കള്‍. എന്നാല്‍ അമിതമായി ജ്യൂസ് കൊടുക്കുന്നത് കുട്ടികളുടെ പല്ലിനെ തകരാറിലാക്കും. 

നിങ്ങളേക്കാള്‍ മുന്‍പില്‍ കുട്ടികള്‍ 

കുട്ടികളുടെ ആവശ്യങ്ങള്‍ക്ക് പ്രാധാന്യം കൊടുക്കേണ്ടത് അത്യാവശ്യം തന്നെയാണ്. എന്നാല്‍ എന്തിനും ഏതിനും വാശി പിടിയ്ക്കുന്ന കുട്ടിയുടെ ആവശ്യം അംഗീകരിച്ച് കൊടുക്കുന്നത് പലപ്പോഴും സ്വഭാവ വൈകല്യത്തിലേക്കാണ് വഴി വെയ്ക്കുക. 

കുട്ടികളുടെ മൂഡ് മാറ്റം 

കുട്ടികള്‍ ഏതെങ്കിലും കാര്യത്തിന് അപ്‌സെറ്റ് ആയി ഇരിയ്ക്കുകയാണെങ്കില്‍ അതൊരിക്കലും നിങ്ങളുടെ വീഴ്ചയാണെന്ന് കരുതരുത്.

വാക്‌സിനും ഓട്ടിസവും 

വാക്‌സിനും ഓട്ടിസവും തമ്മില്‍ ബന്ധമുണ്ടെന്നാണ് പറയുന്നത്. വാക്‌സിന്‍ എടുക്കുന്നത് കുട്ടികളില്‍ ഓട്ടിസം ഉണ്ടാക്കും എന്നാണ് വിശ്വാസം. എന്നാല്‍ ഇത് തെറ്റായ വിശ്വാസമാണ്.

10 Commandments of Good Parenting

The 10 Principles of Good Parenting 

 

1. What you do matters. 

"This is one of the most important principles," Steinberg tells WebMD. "What you do makes a difference. Your kids are watching you. Don't just react on the spur of the moment. Ask yourself, 'What do I want to accomplish, and is this likely to produce that result?'" 

2. You cannot be too loving.

 "It is simply not possible to spoil a child with love," he writes. "What we often think of as the product of spoiling a child is never the result of showing a child too much love. It is usually the consequence of giving a child things in place of love -- things like leniency, lowered expectations, or material possessions." 

3. Be involved in your child's life.

 "Being an involved parent takes time and is hard work, and it often means rethinking and rearranging your priorities. It frequently means sacrificing what you want to do for what your child needs to do. Be there mentally as well as physically."

Being involved does not mean doing a child's homework -- or reading it over or correcting it. "Homework is a tool for teachers to know whether the child is learning or not," Steinberg tells WebMD. "If you do the homework, you're not letting the teacher know what the child is learning." 

4. Adapt your parenting to fit your child. 

Keep pace with your child's development. Your child is growing up. Consider how age is affecting the child's behavior.

"The same drive for independence that is making your three-year-old say 'no' all the time is what's motivating him to be toilet trained," writes Steinberg. "The same intellectual growth spurt that is making your 13-year-old curious and inquisitive in the classroom also is making her argumentative at the dinner table."

5. Establish and set rules.

 "If you don't manage your child's behavior when he is young, he will have a hard time learning how to manage himself when he is older and you aren't around. Any time of the day or night, you should always be able to answer these three questions: Where is my child? Who is with my child? What is my child doing? The rules your child has learned from you are going to shape the rules he applies to himself."

"But you can't micromanage your child," Steinberg tells WebMD. "Once they're in middle school, you need let the child do their own homework, make their own choices, and not intervene." 

6. Foster your child's independence. 

"Setting limits helps your child develop a sense of self-control. Encouraging independence helps her develop a sense of self-direction. To be successful in life, she's going to need both."

It is normal for children to push for autonomy, says Steinberg. "Many parents mistakenly equate their child's independence with rebelliousness or disobedience. Children push for independence because it is part of human nature to want to feel in control rather than to feel controlled by someone else." 

7. Be consistent. 

 "If your rules vary from day to day in an unpredictable fashion or if you enforce them only intermittently, your child's misbehavior is your fault, not his. Your most important disciplinary tool is consistency. Identify your non-negotiables. The more your authority is based on wisdom and not on power, the less your child will challenge it."

Many parents have problems being consistent, Steinberg tells WebMD. "When parents aren't consistent, children get confused. You have to force yourself to be more consistent." 

8. Avoid harsh discipline.

 Parents should never hit a child, under any circumstances. "Children who are spanked, hit, or slapped are more prone to fighting with other children," he writes. "They are more likely to be bullies and more likely to use aggression to solve disputes with others."

"There is a lot of evidence that spanking causes aggression in children, which can lead to relationship problems with other kids," Steinberg tells WebMD. "There are many other ways to discipline a child, including 'time out,' which work better and do not involve aggression."

9. Explain your rules and decisions.

 "Good parents have expectations they want their child to live up to," he writes. "Generally, parents overexplain to young children and underexplain to adolescents. What is obvious to you may not be evident to a 12-year-old. He doesn't have the priorities, judgment or experience that you have." 

10. Treat your child with respect. 

"The best way to get respectful treatment from your child is to treat him respectfully," Steinberg writes. "You should give your child the same courtesies you would give to anyone else. Speak to him politely. Respect his opinion. Pay attention when he is speaking to you. Treat him kindly. Try to please him when you can. Children treat others the way their parents treat them. Your relationship with your child is the foundation for her relationships with others.

Parenting Advice

Sadhguru: Parenthood is a very funny thing. You are trying to do something that nobody has ever known how to do well. Even if you have twelve children, you are still learning. You may raise the first eleven properly, but the twelfth one can give you the works. 

#1 Create the Right Atmosphere

Creating the necessary ambience is a large part of parenthood. You must create the right kind of atmosphere – a certain sense of joy, love, care and discipline both within yourself and in your home. The only thing that you can do to your child is to give him love and support. Create a loving atmosphere for him where intelligence will naturally flower. A child looks at life pristinely. So you sit with him and look at life fresh, like he does. Your child need not do what you did in life. Your child should do something that you did not even have the courage to think about. Only then will this world progress and something happen.

A basic responsibility that humanity has to fulfill is to ensure that the next generation of human beings is at least one step ahead of you and me. It is extremely important that the next generation should live a little more joyfully, with less fear, less prejudice, less entanglement, less hatred, less misery. We must aim for this. Your contribution to the next generation should be that you don’t leave a brat in the world, you should leave a human being who is at least a little better than you.

#2 Know What Your Child Needs 

Some parents in their aspiration or ambition to make their children super-strong, have unnecessarily put their children through too much hardship. They want their children to become what they themselves could not become. In trying to fulfill their ambitions through their children, some parents have been extremely cruel to children. Other parents, believing that they are very loving to their children have over-pampered them and made them powerless and useless in the world.

Once, there was a yogi who belonged to a certain tradition called Kashmir Shaivism. This is one of the seven forms of yoga. It is a very powerful form, but it has mostly remained in the Kashmir area, so it acquired that name. One day, this yogi saw a cocoon which was slightly cracked, and the butterfly inside was really struggling to come out – the cocoon shell was too hard. Usually, the butterfly struggles constantly for almost forty-eight hours to come out of the cocoon. If it does not come out, it will die. The yogi saw this and out of his compassion he used his nail and opened the cocoon so that the butterfly could come free. But when it came out, it could not fly. It is that struggle to break out of the cocoon which empowers the butterfly to use its wings and fly. What is the use of a butterfly that cannot fly? A lot of people, in what they think is love for their children, have made their children like this. The children don’t fly in their life.

There is no standard rule for all children. Each child is different. It is a certain discretion. No perfect line can be drawn as to how much to do and not do. Different children may need different levels of attention, love and toughness. If you were to come and ask me while I am standing in the coconut garden, “How much should I water each plant?” I would say “A minimum of fifty liters.” But if you go home and pour 50 liters for your rose plant, it will die. So you must see what kind of plant you have in your house. 

#3 Learn From Your Child 

Most adults assume that as soon as a child is born, it is time to become teachers. When a child enters your house, it is not the time to become a teacher, it is time to learn, because if you look at yourself and your child, your child is more joyous, isn’t it? So it is time you learn life from them, not the other way around. The only thing that you can teach your child – which you have to, to some extent – is how to survive. But when it comes to life itself, a child knows more about life experientially, by himself. He is life; he knows it. Even with you, if you take away the influences you have imposed upon your mind, your life energies know how to be. It is only your mind which doesn’t know how to be. An adult is capable of all kinds of sufferings – imagined sufferings. A child has still not gone to that. So it is time to learn, not teach. 

#4 Just Let Him Be 

If parents are truly concerned about their children, they must raise their children in such a way that the child will never have any need for the parent. The process of loving should always be a liberating process, not an entangling process. So when the child is born, allow the child to look around, spend time with nature and spend time with himself. Create an atmosphere of love and support and don’t try to impose your morals, ideas, religion or whatever in any way. Just allow him to grow, allow his intelligence to grow and help him look at life on his own terms, as a human being – not identified with the family, or your wealth or whatever else. Just helping him to look at life as a human being is very essential for his wellbeing and the wellbeing of the world. Always, the parent encouraging the child to learn to think for himself, to use his own intelligence to see what is best for him is the best insurance you have so that the child grows up well. 

#5 Be a Joyful, Peaceful Being 

If you want to bring up your child well, the first thing is, you should be happy. But you, by yourself do not know how to be happy. Every day in your house, when tension, anger, fear, anxiety and jealousy are the only things that are being demonstrated to your child, what is going to happen to him? He will obviously learn only these, isn’t it? If you really have the intention of bringing up your child well, you should change yourself to be a loving, joyous and peaceful being. If you are incapable of transforming yourself, where is the question of you bringing up your child?

If we really want to bring up our children well, first of all we must see if we can do something with ourselves. Everyone who wishes to be a parent must do one simple experiment. Let them sit down and see what is it that is not okay with their lives, and what would be good for their lives – not about the world outside, but about themselves. Something about yourself – your own behavior, speech, modes of action, and habits – if you can alter that in three months, then you would handle your child also with wisdom.

 

What is Attachment Parenting in Older Children?

The term "attachment parenting" usually brings to mind practices like wearing your baby in a sling or co-sleeping or nursing on demand. But staying close and connected to your child isn't something that should stop as your child gets older, into their preschool and school-age years and beyond. (And in fact, if you want to have a strong relationship with your childwhen he hits the potentially turbulent teen years

It's especially important that you maintain a strong bond and establishgood communication habits now, while your child is in grade-school and is more likely to be willing to talk to you about what's going on in his life.) Here are some ideal ways you can practice attachment parenting with older children.

know your child's friends and the people who are close to her.

Ask some key questions if she's going on a play date at a friend's house, such as whether they keep guns in the house and who will be there to supervise the children. Get to know who your child's friend are, and suss out whether or not each friend is a good, supportive, empathetic, and kind person, or a toxic friendwho you do not like and who could be a bad influence on your child.

Make daily communication a habit in your home.

Establish regular times to talk with your child one-on-one, whether it's atbedtime, during dinner, in the car ride to school. Set aside distractions, like the cell phone; beware of how much "phubbing," or phone-snubbing has negatively affected our social relationships and try to focus on your child when you speak to him instead of being distracted and checking email or messages.

Have dinner with your child regularly.

Studies have shown that simply eating dinner together regularly with kids is associated with numerous benefits for kids, including better grades, reduced risk of obesity, and better mental, social, and emotional skills. Even if you can't make every night family dinner night in your home, you can find creative solutions to connect with your kids at mealtime, such as talking while snacking before and after an after-school activity or setting aside a little extra time in the morning for a nice and healthy family breakfast.

Have fun with your child.

Research shows that when parents play with their kids and have fun with them, kids are less likely to develop depression and anxiety and are more likely to become compassionate and empathetic people.

Be someone your child can talk to easily.

When you show your child that you are really listening and want to hear what he has to say, and you share some personal things about yourself and open up to your child, you are establishing a good foundation upon which your child will feel morecomfortable talking to you about things. This openness and communication will become invaluable as your child grows and may need to one day talk to you about something difficult in his life

Discipline with love.

Discipline should be more about teaching rather than punishment, yelling, orhitting kids. Parents who are firm but who are loving when they correct their children's bad behavior allow their kids to feel secure in two important ways: by letting them know that there are boundaries and rules that they need to obey for their health, safety, and well-being, and by reassuring them that while you expect them to behave well and make good choices, your love for them is steadfast and strong.

Find ways to say "I love you" to your child every day.

Something as simple as taking a minute to hug when you say goodbye in the morning or hello at the end of the day is one of the many ways you can show your child how much you love her every single day, and is an important part of attachment parenting.

How to Use Positive Discipline Techniques

Learn how to use this type of discipline to manage behavior problems

Positive discipline is one of the five main types of discipline that can address a variety of behavioral problems. However, many parents wonder, does positive discipline really work? Before jumping to any conclusions, it is important to educate yourself on some of the important principles of positive discipline.

Build a Positive Relationship

Proponents of positive discipline recommend that caregivers spend quality time with children each day to build a healthy relationship

This quality time can include playing, talking, and simply enjoying one another’s company.

During this quality time, it can be beneficial to talk to your child about the feelings he experienced throughout the day. For example, ask him when during the day he felt the saddest and when he felt the happiest. Then, share the same about your day. This provides an opportunity to learn about one another and build a strong foundation for the relationship while also teaching about feelings.

Use Encouragement Liberally

Positive discipline focuses on encouragement over praise. Instead of praising kids for a job well done, encouragement focuses on a child’s efforts, even if there isn’t a successful outcome. Encouragement should celebrate a child’s improvements while motivating him to keep trying.

Encouragement can help kids recognize their full potential. It also teaches them to be more independent as they will begin to see what they are capable of doing on their own.

The key is to encourage kids in a way that makes them feel appreciated and recognized, as positive discipline is based on the belief that all kids need to feel a deep sense of belonging.

Modeling how to handle mistakes is an important part of positive discipline. For example, when you make a mistake with parenting, acknowledge it and apologize to your child.

This teaches kids the importance of taking responsibility for their own behaviors and shows the importance of learning from mistakes.

Problem-Solve Together

Caregivers are encouraged to hold meetings to problem-solve issues as they arise. This teaches children necessary problem-solving skills while providing them with opportunities to share their opinions. Mutual respect is an important part of the process.

Positive discipline emphasizes the importance of kids having chores. Kids provide input about what chores they want to complete. This ability to have input into their chores gives them more a sense of belonging and motivates them to complete their jobs.

Teaching is an important step in the process. Children are given clear guidelines about what is expected from them. Parents take time to train children how to clean their room or how to do their laundry. This provides kids with an opportunity to ask questions and can eliminate misunderstandings about their jobs.

Positive discipline uses an authoritative approach, where a child’s feelings are taken into consideration.

Children are encouraged to share their feelings as well as discuss their mistakes, ideas, and problems openly. Parents then work with the child on resolving issues while modeling respectful communication.

Use Discipline Instead Punishments

Positive discipline makes a sharp distinction between discipline and punishment. Consequences are not meant to be punitive, but instead should offer long-termconsequences that teach life lessons that prepare children to become responsible adults.


Even time out is not considered a punishment. Instead, it should be referred to as a positive time out and should take place in a pleasant, comfortable area. A positive time out is designed to teach children to take a time out when they need to cool down so they can eventually take a time out on their own without being sent there as a consequence.
When to Use Positive Discipline


Positive discipline can work well with preschool kids through teenagers. Many schools are even encouraging teachers to use positive discipline in the classroom by employing the same principles. Positive discipline is likely to be effective with any caregiver and can help ensure that children are learning from their mistakes.