How to Decrease Negative Behaviors Using the 3 “P”s

  

If you have a preschooler, you probably hear the word “no” (or some version of it) pretty regularly. You may even be surprised to hear that your child is delightfully cooperative and always says yes in preschool! Be proud that your child has learned about cooperation and is showing that at school. Know the “no’s” you hear at home are often your child testing limits with someone – you – who will love them no matter what.

 

Positive Discipline

 As your child tests your limits (and sometimes your patience) with their “no’s,” a positive approach that teaches, rather than punishes is often the most effective. Kind and firm responses will help your child build self-confidence as they learn skills that help them problem solve and have respectful and caring social relationships.

Prevention is the Best Medicine

Creating positive structures can prevent a “meltdown” or unwelcome behavior that can develop into something bigger. Consider:

Routines and Expectations

• Create a few simple routines to help your child know what’s expected of them.
• Consider your child’s age and their developmental stage to avoid expecting more tasks than they can handle.
  • In the morning we brush teeth, get dressed and eat breakfast.
  • In the evening, we have a bath after dinner, put on pajamas and read a story before bed.
• Be consistent, so your child can rely on what’s going to happen.
• Be patient. Just as it takes adults a while to create a habit, so will it be for your child.
• Praise your child for following through on their routines. They are learning responsibility!
• Do It With Music. Maybe you like to clean house while you listen to Beyonce or The Black Keys. Your child might be more cooperative about putting away their clothes or toys if they get to have it accompanied by a few rounds of The Wheels on the Bus (or maybe you both enjoy Beyonce).

Transitions

• Give advance notice of a transition coming up. Picking up your child at his friend’s house? Go ten minutes early so you can give your child a warning that they have ten more minutes to play.
  • Let your child use a timer so they can see that the time is going down.
  • If your child can’t understand time or a timer, saying “ten more minutes” won’t be effective. Be creative – use a sand timer from a board game, for instance, so they can see the time passing with the crystals emptying.

Praise and Rewards

• Praise your child when she meets expectations. Be specific so she knows exactly what she’s done well and can easily repeat it.
• Reward, but cautiously.
  • Sticker charts or other rewards can be useful for an occasional motivation.
  • If you overuse stickers or rewards your child might have a hard time understanding why it’s important to brush teeth even without a reward. Avoid stickers/rewards for daily tasks.

Unstructured Playtime

• If your child is in preschool, they may spend a lot of their day in a structured environment.
• “Structured” home routines are important, but so is unstructured playtime. Having enough open playtime can prevent lots of misplaced energy later. Unstructured time also helps develop creativity and problem-solving skills.

Independence

• Let your child work out simple problems or conflicts on their own.
• Watch for when they might be getting too frustrated.
  • Name feelings and ask questions: “I see you are feeling frustrated with that toy? What other toy can you play with?”
  • When they solve problems or conflicts on their own, they build self- confidence and learn about dealing with challenges.

Patience: It’s Not “If,” It’s “When”

No matter how many successful preventive tactics we use, there, of course, will always be times when that meltdown occurs or getting ready for bed is a struggle. When disciplining:

• Consider HALT when kids are having a hard time. Is your child:
  • Hungry?
  • Angry?
  • Lonely?
  • Tired?

Attend to basic needs. Everyone is cranky when their basics aren’t met.

• If They Are Part of the Problem, Let Them Be Part of the Solution
• A great way for your child to learn the consequences of their behavior is to have them help “right their wrongs.”
  • Dumped cups of water out of the bathtub and got the floor wet? Have him help mop it up.
  • Jumped on her brother’s bed and knocked off all the blankets? Have her remake the bed.
  • Get your child into the habit of apologizing when needed. Let them use their own words and ideas.
• Clarify and Clarify
  • Be clear and specific when rules are broken. Say specifically what wasn’t done and what needs to be done.
  • Consider natural consequences:
    • Didn’t get ready in time to go to the park before dinner? No park today.
• Timing is Everything
  • If your child didn’t get ready in time to go to the park today, don’t cancel next week’s trip to the park. They may get confused and upset by what feels to be an unfair action. Likely your child won’t recall what happened last week. The discipline will feel like a punishment, and the lesson will be lost — positive discipline is about teaching, not punishing.

Teaching Your Independent Child

It’s great to see your preschooler becoming more independent. With that independence will also come a lot of testing out about what’s okay or not. With preventive strategies, positive discipline, and patience, the preschool years will be exciting ones of growth for both your child and you.

9 Steps to More Effective Parenting 

 

Raising children is one of the toughest and most fulfilling jobs in the world and the one for which you may be the least prepared. Learning “on the job” how to be a parent can be fraught with pitfalls. As advocates for children , we at the Dupont Hospital for Children want to help you raise healthy and happy children. Here are some ways to tackle your child-rearing responsibilities that will help you feel more fulfilled as a parent, and enjoy your children more, too.

1. Nurture your child’s self esteem

Children start developing their sense of self as babies when they see themselves through your eyes. Your tone of voice, your body language, and your every expression is absorbed by your child. Your words and actions as parents affect your child’s developing self-image more than anything else in his world. Consequently, praising your child for his accomplishment, however small, will make him feel proud; letting him to do things for himself will make him feel capable and independent. By contrast, belittling your child or comparing him unfavorably to another will make him feel worthless.

Avoid making loaded statement or using words as a weapons: “What a stupid thing to do!” or “You act more like a baby than your little brother!” Comments like these bruise the inside of a child as much as blows the outside. Choose your words carefully and be compassionate. Let your child know that everyone makes and that while you may not like his behavior. You still love him.

2. Catch your child being good

Have you ever stopped to think about how many times you react negatively to your child in a given day? You may find that you are criticizing far more than you are complimenting. How would you feel about a boss who treated you with that much negative guidance?

The more effective approach is to catch your child doing something right, and praise her to the skies. “You made your bed without being asked-that’s terrific!” or “I was watching you play with your sister and you were very patient!” These statements will do more to encourage good behavior over the long run than repeated scolding. Make a point of finding something to praise every day. Be generous with rewards-your love, hugs and compliments can work wonders and are often rewards enough. Soon you will find you are “growing” more of the behavior you would like to see.

3. Set limits and be consistent with your discipline

Discipline is necessary in every household. The goal of discipline is to help children choose acceptable behaviors. Children may test the limits you establish for them but they need limits to grow into responsible adults. Establishing house rules might include: homework is to be done before any television privileges are granted, or hitting, name-calling and hurtful teasing are unacceptable.

You may want to have a system in place: one warning, followed by consequences such as “time out” or loss of privileges. A common mistake parents makes is failure to follow through with consequence when rules are broken. A rule without consequences is not a rule at all-it’s a threat. You can’t discipline a child for talking back one day, and ignore it the next. Being consistent sets an example of what expect from our children.

4. Make time for your children

With so many demands on your time, it’s often difficult for parents and children to get together for a family meal, let alone spend some quality time together. However, there is probably nothing your child would like more. Get up 10 minutes earlier in the morning so you can eat breakfast with your child or leave the dishes in the sink and take a walk after dinner. Children who are not getting the attention they want from their parents often act out or misbehave because they are assured of being noticed. Many parents find it mutually rewarding to have prescheduled time with their child on a regular basis. For instance, tell your child Tuesday is her special night with Mommy and let her help decide how you will spend your time together. Look for ways to connect with your child without actually being there-put a note or something special in her lunchbox.

Adolescents seem to need the undivided attention of their parents less than younger children. Since there are fewer windows of opportunity for parents and teen to get together, parents should do their best to be available when their teen does express a desire to talk or participate in family activities.

Don’t feel too guilty if you’re a working parent. Quantity is not nearly as important as what you do with the bits and pieces of time you have with your child. It is the many little things you do together-making popcorn playing cards and window-shopping that your child will remember.

5. Be a good role model

Young children learn a great deal about how to act by watching you. The younger they are, the more cues they take from you. Before you lash out or blow your top in front of your child, think about this: Is that how you want him to behave when he’s angry? Be constantly aware that you are being observed by your children. Studies have shown that children who hit usually have a role model for aggression at home.

Instead, model the traits you whish to cultivate in your child; respect, friendliness, honesty, kindness. Exhibit unselfish behavior. Do things for other people without expecting a reward, such as taking dinner to sick neighbor. Express thanks; offer compliments. Above all, treat your children the way you expect other people to treat you.

6. Make communication a priority

You can’t expect children to do everything simply because you, as parents, “say so.” Children want and deserve explanations as much as adults do. If we don’t take time to explain, children will begin to wonder about our values and motives and whether they have any basis. Parents who reason with their children allow them to understand and learn in a non-judgmental way.

Make your expectations clear. If there is a problem, describe it to your child, express your feelings about it and invite your child to work on a solution with you. Be sure to include consequences. Make suggestions and offer choice. Be open to your child’s suggestions as well. Negotiate with her. Children who participate in decisions are more motivated to carry them out.

7. Be flexible and willing to adjust your parenting style

If you frequently feel “let down” by your child’s behavior, it may be because you have unrealistic expectations for her. Parents who think in “should”, e.g., “She should be potty-trained by now”, may find it helpful to do more reading on the matter or talk to other parents or child development specialists. This may enable you to adjust your expectations to a more realistic level.

The environment in which your child moves also has an impact on her behavior. For example, you may be able to modify your 2-year-old’s behavior by changing her environment. If you find yourself constantly saying “NO” to her, there are surely ways to restructure her surroundings so that fewer things are off-limits. This will cause les frustration for both of you.

As your child changes, you will probably have to change your parenting style, too. Many parents find it helpful at some point to draw up a “kiddie contract” to encourage good behavior and motivate their child. This can be as simple as a weekly list of chores and responsibilities posted on the refrigerator. Chances are, what works with your child now won’t work forever.

Teenagers tend to look less to their parents and more to their peers for examples of how to be. Continue to provide guidance and appropriate discipline while allowing your child to earn more independence. And seize every available moment to make a connection!

8. Show your love is unconditional

As a parent, you are responsible for correcting and guiding your child. But how you express your corrective guidance makes all the difference in how your child receives it. When you have to confront your child, avoid blaming, criticizing or faultfinding, which undermine his self-esteem and can lead to resentment. Instead, strive to nurture and encourage even when you are disciplining your child. Make sure he knows that while you want and expect him to do better next time, you love him-no matter what.

9. Be aware of your own needs and limitations as a parent 

Face it you are an imperfect parent. You have strengths and weaknesses as a family leader. Recognize your abilities, “I’m loving and dedicated”. Vow to work on your weaknesses. “I need to be more consistent with discipline”. Try to have realistic expectations of yourself, your spouse and your children. You don’t have to have all the answers be forgiving of yourself. And try to make parenting a manageable job. Focus on the areas that need the most attention rather than trying to address everything all at once. Admit it when you’re burned out. Take time out from parenting to do thing that will make you happy as a person and as a couple. Focusing on your needs does not make you selfish. It simply means you care about your own well-being. Which is another important value to model for your children.

Sleep Disorder in Kids Can Affect Their Mental Health

 

If your child is suffering from a sleep disorder, there is more at stake than just their sleep. According to a new study, serious sleep disorders in children may affect their mental health in the long term. 
Four-year-olds are at a higher risk of developing symptoms of psychiatric problems by the time they turn six, as compared to children who sleep soundly.

"Our research shows that it is important to identify children with sleep disorders, so that remedial measures can be taken. Sleeping badly or too little affects a child's day-to-day functioning, but we are seeing that there are also long term repercussions," said Silje Steinsbekk, associate professor and psychologist at the Norwegian University of Science and Technology (NTNU

Interviews of parents conducted by the researchers were on the basis of DSM-IV diagnostic manual, which contains the official diagnostic criteria for mental disorders.

The study looked at over 1000 participants, all four-year-olds and parents of around 800 of these children were interviewed again two years later.

A child who shows signs of anxiety or a behavioural disorder may easily end up in a vicious cycle, where conflict with adults triggers anxiety and in turn leads to trouble falling asleep.

“Given that so many children suffer from insomnia, and only just over half ‘outgrow it,’ it is critical for us to be able to provide thorough identification and good treatment,” Silje pointed out.

“The early treatment of mental health problems can also prevent the development of sleep disorders, since psychiatric symptoms increase the risk of developing insomnia,” Silje stressed.

Children who suffer from insomnia struggle with falling asleep and frequent waking.

Examples of other types of sleep disorders are hypersomnia, i.e. an extreme urge to sleep, and various cases of parasomnia, such as nightmares, night terrors and sleepwalking. The study can be found in Journal of Development & Behavioral Pediatrics.

Research proves- it’s okay to let babies cry themselves to sleep

  

Although it’s very hard for parents to listen to their baby cry in his/her crib during the night but you may be okay with it after knowing that a new study published in the May issue of the journal Pediatrics shows that leaving your little one to ”cry it out” is actually good. No parent can see their little one get stressed over or exhausted due to crying but the study suggests that crying does not affect her/his stress levels, rather it may help them get some more shut-eye over time.

According to the researchers, this study could prove to be a boon for sleep-deprived parents as it will give them more insight into the parenting strategies. However, the study was conducted on a small group of higher income and well educated families. They believe that more research needs to be done to see whether the findings apply on the other groups as well.

The researchers randomly placed 43 infants between the ages 6-16 months old, who had been having trouble falling and staying asleep at night into 1 of the 3 groups. In one group, parents did not respond to their crying babies immediately but would eventually comfort the baby without picking him or her up or turning on the lights. If the baby cried again, the parents would wait a little longer before they went ahead to comfort the baby and so on until the baby fell asleep.

While in the second group, the parents were asked to try bedtime fading, which meant that if the babies had trouble falling asleep the night before, parents would put them to sleep later the next night. But the parents still comforted the child at night. On the other hand, the third group of the parents acted as the control group where parents simply provided with educational information about sleep strategies for babies and no specific instructions.

 The first two methods are controversial, because letting a baby cry can be very stressful for both babies and may increase their levels of the stress hormone cortisol. The researchers analyzed the cortisol levels of the babies using cotton swabs of their salvia to measure the stress levels. The samples were collected in the mornings and afternoons

Stressed babies?

As per the findings of the research, within 3 months, 14 babies from the first group, who were left to cry and 15 babies from the second group, the ones who were put to bed later the following night, started falling asleep faster at night compared to those in the third group(control group). Besides, babies from the first group woke fewer times during the night than the babies in the control group.


The results also showed that the afternoon cortisol levels in the babies in the two sleeping intervention groups dropped more over time than those of the babies in the control group, hinting that they were less stressed.


According to the researchers these methods might have worked because the babies learned to soothe themselves, they stopped crying and went to sleep. One year after the intervention started, the mothers assessed their kids for any emotional or behavioral problems. They were happy to find that there were no signs of behavioral and emotional temperaments in their kids. The study also showed improved moods in the mothers over time in all the three groups, but this improvement was found to be strong for those in the bedtime-fading group.

10 Things Not To Say To Your Child 

 

Parenting is no easy job. The most important and difficult part of parenting is learning to talk to your child.

Remember that children take everything literally and the way you talk to them goes a long way in building their personality. As a parent who wants the best for them, sometimes we say things that we don’t really mean. Caution: damage is done.

Read on to know the 10 things parents and grandparents should never tell their kids:

1. ‘You are a bad boy/girl’

Never feed negative thoughts in your children, it kills their self-esteem. Kids are innocent and believe in goodness. Always tell them to be good, happy, and positive. Explain them that some words or actions are bad as they may hurt or harm somebody. But don’t tell them that it makes them a bad boy/girl. In fact, give them a positive comment like “you are the best/cutest/brightest child in the world,” it will boost their self-esteem. Chances are that they would never want to let you down. Teach them what is right and wrong, and to value good things over bad.

2. A straight ‘NO’

A straight ‘no’ is too harsh for your little prince/princess. If kids hear ‘no’ all the time, they lose confidence and faith in their parents. If you don’t approve of your children action, try giving them options. For example, instead of saying “No shouting,” try “Talk softly, please.” Instead of “Don’t play in the house,” tell them “Why don’t you call your friends to the park and play.”

3. ‘Don’t talk to me’

Never ban the channel of communication between you and your children. Never tell them to stop talking or arguing. Let them question and share their opinion freely. Rather talk to them, if you want them to stick to your advice. Tell them what they are supposed to do and why it’s important. Convince them with your words, tone, and expressions. Yes, keep talking and listening till they buy your point. When my child doesn’t buy my point, instead of asking him not to argue, I make a sad face and say ‘Okay, do whatever you like, but I am upset.’ This may start the conversation again and you have a chance to bargain or win the argument. Try arriving on a win-win situation.

4. ‘Why can’t you be like your brother/sister?’

Never compare your children with their brother/sister. It makes them jealous. They will feel left out. It drives feeling of failure in your kids and dislike between siblings.

5. ‘Leave me alone!’

You are everything to your kids. Never tell them  that you will leave them alone or demand to be left alone. Never say anything that will hurt your children to an extent that they feel they aren’t loved or wanted. It’s a big no-no even if you feel like pulling out your hair, or just want to be alone. Talk of kids teaching us patience? Yeah!

6. ‘No one wants kids like you’

A ‘problem child’ doesn’t exist by its own, right? We are the ones to blame if kids become problematic. They are a reflection of parents. They have learnt everything from parents, family, friends, and surroundings. So if you think your children aren’t behaving properly, remember they didn’t choose to be in the world that surrounds them. You chose that world for them!

7. ‘You can’t do this!’

Never shake your kids’ self-confidence. There will be times when they would want to do something, but you know they won’t be able to do. Just remember to give them a chance as long as it doesn’t harm them. When my son thinks he can lift a heavy chair, instead of ‘you can’t do it,’ I tell him, ‘Try if you can do it or I will help you,’ or  ‘You might hurt yourself in this attempt so let me do it for you.’ The best alternative, however, is ‘Let’s do it together!’ Kids learn through trial and error. However they’ll never try anything new, if you’ve made them afraid to try.

8. ‘Girls/Boys don’t do that’

A child is a child, so let him/her be. Don’t create gender-biased rules. Let your kids decide for themselves—to be more like girls or boys when they grow up. Don’t stop them from exploring things they may be curious about or good at. When my son was three years old, I bought him a kitchen set and was prepared to see people surprised. Who said boys shouldn’t cook?

9. ‘Let Daddy come and I will tell…’

This common mistake by parents is a double whammy. It instils anxiety and fear in your child—especially of the person who you’re going to tell about whatever happened—and it shows you’re incapable of handling your children or the issue. Also, don’t make it an everyday threat. There are things your kid may do unintentionally, or irresponsibly. You may want to tell your spouse about it. Ask your kids, “Do you want to tell dad, or should I explain it to him and give the reason?” Let your children take ownership of their mistakes and their actions, but do it respectfully.

10. ‘You are too big to do this!’

Don’t deprive your kids of childhood. They will grow up, what’s the hurry? Instead, be like them. See if it makes them more comfortable and happy. So when my 8-year-old wants to jump on the bed because India won a cricket match, what do I do? I start jumping too, and love to see him happier!

 

5 tips for giving your kid eye drops

 

Every Wednesday, Lily comes home from her swimming class complaining about how her eyes are sore from the chlorine in the pool.

Her eyes are often red and irritated, as if she’s just spent the night with Lindsay Lohan on the Vegas strip. When she goes to school for afternoon kindergarten on Wednesday’s, Sonia usually has to send along a cold wet cloth in Lily’s school bag, so she can get some relief in the classroom. (And yes, we’ve tried goggles with Lily, but we’ve yet to find a pair that she’s comfortable with).

Last week, things got so bad with her eyes that Sonia decided to go to the drug store to see if there were any eye drops that were safe for children to use. Sonia came home with some child-friendly eye drops, but then we had a conundrum: Who was going to administer the drops to Lily?

Giving your child eye drops is one of the most annoying and unpleasant tasks in parenthood, because children are never cooperative when they’re being given eye drops for the first time. I would probably have better luck taking our cat’s temperature using a rectal thermometre.

Modern medicine has come a long way in making things more child-friendly in the last 25 years. When I was growing up, there was only one flavour of Tylenol available for kids. It wasn’t chewable and if you didn’t swallow it correctly, it tasted like a crude paste of baking soda and wet cardboard. Now, there are dozens of tutti-frutti flavours of children’s medicine, so giving your kids cough syrup and pain relievers aren’t a huge issue.

But sadly, there have been no amazing advancements in the world of eye drops. Whether it’s 1983 or 2013, parents are still left there to force the eye drops into the child’s eye — usually with unsuccessful results. We’ve had some experience with giving our kids eye drops and this week, I would like to pass along some of our tips.

Here are the five steps to giving your child eye drops:

1. Bribery

There is a 100 percent chance that your child will put up a fight when you try and put eye drops in for the first time. You should start by going to every responsible parent’s number one move: bribery. Start with something small, like the promise of a Hersey’s Kiss or a lollipop. As things start to escalate and tensions rise, you may find yourself promising them a pony or a trip to the Great Wolf Lodge.

2. Watch how Daddy does it

There is also a good chance that the bribery approach will get you nowhere in this situation. So you may have to resort to a demonstration for your child. You can have a bottle of Visine and show your child how painless and easy it is to have drops put in your eye. If you’re anything like me, it takes about six squirts before one drop successfully reaches your eyeball.

3. The one-parent pin-and-drop approach

If you’re still having issues with putting in the drops, you may need to resort to applying a mild amount of physical force. Your child will likely flail their arms and legs, so you simply need to stop them from doing that, while simultaneously forcing one of their eyes open and using a free hand to administer the drop.

4. The two-parent pin-and-drop approach

After realizing the one-parent approach is full of pitfalls, you will require some back-up from another adult. One parent should be responsible for pinning down the child’s extremities, while the other parent can focus solely on putting the drops into the eye. Remember that your child will probably recall this moment in a therapy session 25 years down the road, so try and be as gentle as possible.

5. Wait until they’re asleep

You’ve tried everything with your child awake, so the idea dawns on you: Why not wait until they’re asleep to put in the eye drops? This happened to us once before, when Elissa had an eye infection a few years ago. She absolutely refused to put in the drops during the day, so we waited until the night. We snuck into her room, like we do when we’re the Tooth Fairy. Only this time, instead of leaving a dollar under her pillow, we were going to administer an antibiotic ointment to her eye. The plan absolutely backfired, as she woke up screaming with terror — only to find both of her parents hovered over her with a tube of eye medication.

The bottom line is this: If you’re going to give your child eye drops, you might need a bottle of something else to get you through it as a parent.

11 ways to help your kid build self-esteem

Simply praising your child can actually do more harm than good. Here’s a comprehensive guide to building self-esteem in children.

 

Last week, my son Aaron made the school soccer team. Boy, was I proud. And I couldn’t stop saying so. “Good job, buddy! You’re the best!” I beamed, he beamed, and all seemed right with the world.
It’s not the first time my kids have heard me shout their praises. I’m the resident cheering section, their biggest fan, a back-patter extraordinaire. These days, you can find me handing out compliments as if they’re sticks of gum—when my kids practise guitar, score a goal, help with dishes. The mom logic goes like this: The kid does good (or good enough for me), so I make him feel great about himself. It’s called boosting self-esteem. Or so I thought.

1. Step back
As it turns out, there are better ways to build self-esteem than heaping on praise for everything kids do—starting with helping them become competent in the world, says Jim Taylor, author of the book Your Kids Are Listening: Nine Messages They Need to Hear from You. To do so, though, you have to learn to step back and let your child take risks, make choices, solve problems and stick with what they start.

2. Over-praising kids does more harm than good
Self-esteem comes from feeling loved and secure, and from developing competence, Taylor says, and although parents often shower their kids with the first two ingredients, competence—becoming good at things—takes time and effort. “As much as we may want to, we can’t praise our kids into competence,” he says.
In fact, by over-praising kids, we’re doing more harm than good. “We’re lowering the bar for them,” Taylor says. “If you keep telling your child she is already doing a fantastic job, you’re saying she no longer needs to push herself. But confidence comes from doing, from trying and failing and trying again—from practise.”
Samantha MacLeod, who has four boys, ages one to nine, believes constant complimenting can actually erode self-esteem. Either kids start thinking they’re perfect or they try to be perfect all the time—an impossible standard. And inaccurate praise confuses them, she says. “If my son can’t spell and I tell him he’s doing terrific, he learns not to trust his own instincts. He also learns that praise is just flat-out lying.”
Plus, Taylor adds, telling your child he’s the best, the smartest or the most talented is setting him up for some very bad news down the road. You’re creating an egomaniac who thinks his scribbles are Rothkos but, sooner or later, he’ll discover he’s not all that after all.

3. Let your child take healthy risks
Start by forcing yourself to stand back while your child takes healthy risks, says Victoria Sopik, CEO of Kids & Company, a corporate childcare service in Toronto, and a mother of eight. “To build confidence in the world, kids have to take chances, make choices and take responsibility for them,” Sopik says. She sees too many parents trying to rescue their kids from failure all the time.
Sopik remembers staring from across the room as her two-year-old son, Fraser, lifted a huge jug of orange pop at a fancy party. “He was about to pour it into a glass, and I just stood there, holding my breath,” Sopik recalls.  Rather than trying to save her son before he had a chance to try, Sopik watched as Fraser spilled the pop all over the floor.
Then came the best part: Fraser found a waitress, asked for a paper towel and cleaned up his own mess. “He solved his own problem—just like we do as successful adults,” Sopik says.

4. Let kids make their own choices
When kids make their own age-appropriate choices, they feel more powerful, says Sopik, pointing out that kids as young as two can start considering the consequences of their decisions. Sopik always let her kids decide on their own whether to wear a coat, hat and mittens in winter. “Once they knew the difference between warm and cold, it was up to them. They should have control over their bodies and take responsibility for their choices,” she says.

5. Let them help around the house
In building self-esteem, kids also need opportunities to demonstrate their competence and feel that their contribution is valuable, says Taylor. At home, that means asking them, even when they’re toddlers, to help with cooking, setting the table and making beds.

6. Encourage them to pursue their interests (fully)
Another surefire way to boost confidence in kids is to encourage them to take on tasks they show interest in, then make sure they follow through to completion. It doesn’t matter what the task—it could be anything from swimming laps to beating levels in video games. The point is for them to stick with what they start, so they feel that hit of accomplishment at the end.

7. What to do when children struggle or fail
What if your child’s self-esteem plummets when she gets cut from the gymnastics team or can’t memorize multiplication tables?

8. Don’t lose sleep over it
 “So many parents have it backward,” Taylor says. “They think struggles and failure will hurt their kids’ self-esteem, but it’s actually a golden opportunity to help build it.”

9. Make clear that your love is unconditional
Let your child know you love her even when she fails or makes bad decisions. If all you talk about is performance, Sopik points out, she will think you only love her for her report card or the lead she got in the play.

10. Make sure your child’s goals are within reach, at a level appropriate for his ability
That may mean suggesting he join house league, where he can feel like a star rather than being the last one picked on the AA team. MacLeod learned this lesson when her son, Alex, was in grade two. Feeling like a failure at reading, Alex was ready to give up when MacLeod brought home some Magic Tree House books, which were slightly below Alex’s level. “He read one every two days and was so proud of himself that he went on to read the Goosebumps series, no problem,” she recalls. Afterward, mother and son talked about how Alex’s choice to practise paid off, and she praised his perseverance.

11. Offer appropriate praise
Although praise is often misused, when it’s specific and earned, it is a valuable self-esteem builder, Taylor says.
Lorna Crosse, a former music teacher, remembers asking her choir students to keep a “brag file” full of praise they earned. Any time they saw their names in a program or newspaper article or received a complimentary note, they were to put it inside. “When the kids had a bad day, they would take out those words of praise and read all the neat things they had done, and it would make them feel better about themselves.”
The brag file works because it shows kids specific ways they’re special and teaches them that practise reaps rewards, Taylor says. And it’s the practise—the effort—that should be the focus of praise, Sopik says. “Don’t just say ‘great play’. Tell him it was awesome how he passed the ball to his teammate.”
And keep in mind that a little indirect praise, such as stars on a chore chart, can work wonders. Mom Nancy Botelho gets even more inventive. She makes sure her kids “overhear” a little boasting. “I’ll tell my friends how the teacher said Margaret is so kind, or how I saw Bridget working so hard at tying her shoes. The kids just shine. Since they were spying, they know I mean it and I’m not just trying to make them feel good.”
 

5 Strategies to Help Introvert Parents Maintain Their Sanity

  

Q: “I’m an introverted mother of three kids, ages 2-10. I love my children but often feel drained from the constant interaction. Help!”

A: As a mom of three myself, I get it! Parenting as an introvert can present its own challenges.

From one introverted mama to another, here are some suggestions for maintaining balance:

1) Wake up an hour earlier.  

This will allow you to begin the day slowly and quietly. Resist the impulse to fold the laundry or empty the dishwasher—there will be time for that later. Spend these moments in peaceful introspection, just soaking up the silence. (A muffin isn’t a bad idea either!)



2) Host a playdate. 

It may seem counterintuitive, but hosting a playdate might make your day less stressful. If your kids fall on the more extroverted end of the spectrum, it’s important to acknowledge that they need social interaction as much as you need alone time. Inviting friends over takes pressure off you as the kids will mostly entertain each other. Bonus: all of that playtime will wear your kids out, and they’ll be ready for some quiet time later!



3) Schedule independent quiet play. 

When my kids outgrew nap time, I felt flustered. They may not have needed to rest, but I certainly did! That’s when I began to schedule a daily hour of independent quiet play. I didn’t expect them to nap, but I did ask that they play quietly in their own rooms. This practice can help children learn to appreciate solitude and enjoy their own company, which is so important for raising creative and confident kids.

 

4) Catch a break. 

It doesn’t matter who you are—every parent needs a break sometimes. Don’t be embarrassed to ask for help. If you have a partner, parent, or babysitter who can lend a hand, that’s great! Or maybe another mom or dad can host a playdate. If you’re looking to steal a few more quiet moments during the day, see what child-friendly activities are available in your community.



5) Implement a consistent early bedtime routine. 

I can’t say enough about the beauty of a regular early bedtime. Not only is it good for kids, but it’s also a lifesaver for exhausted parents! Knowing you’ll be able to unwind when the clock strikes 8 makes the chaotic dinner/homework/bath time hours more manageable.



Please remember that taking a little time for yourself throughout the day isn’t selfish—it’s self-care. For an introvert, alone time isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity. These small breaks will likely make you a more energetic and patient parent. And that’s a win-win for everybody!

Making Jokes and Taking Them

  

The age of tantrums is far behind us. At 7 years old, my son has become better at talking about his feelings. When overwhelmed, he has coping mechanisms—deep breaths, requests for hugs—that help him regain his cool. So, I was surprised recently when he had a complete toddler-like meltdown over… corn.

He’s typically the self-designated shucker in the family, ripping husks from the cob with gusto. But on this particular day, he decided that corn silk felt gross and he didn’t want to touch it. When my wife gently pressed, Felix dug in his feet. A typical parent-child conflict ensued, during which my son burst into tears and began yelling that no way, he wasn’t going to shuck the corn.

And that’s when I began to giggle.

Maybe it was the repetition of the word shuck in his high-pitched little-boy voice that did it. Or a response to the extremity of his upset—with the discarded corn at his feet, he began bawling. Or it could have been one of those parental sanity-survival mechanisms that kick in at times like this, when the emotionality of child-raising becomes ridiculous. Whatever the case, I couldn’t suppress a grin. “Really?” I asked him. “Is corn shucking worth all these tears?”

Not surprisingly, Felix thought I was laughing at him and not the situation, which made him cry more.

Reader, I will not lie. At that point, my humor became pointed and less-than-kind. I told him he should just say “shuck it.” “What’s the shucking problem?” I asked. Maybe, he should cross one off his “shuck-it” list. This at least had my wife laughing too!

As parents, we need to nurture good humor in our children, but that’s harder than it sounds. Growing up, I heard my family joke around, often in a good natured manner—but not always. My physical coordination wasn’t the best, which led to ribbing about my athletic abilities. Those comments became prophecies as my increased self-consciousness further hindered my ability to relax and perform on the playing field. And it turns out they were wrong—the older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve realized I am a fairly athletic person. Improperly used jokes can be harmful to our self-esteem and confidence.

On the other hand, having a sense of humor about oneself is very helpful to your mental health. Laughter defuses anger, fear, sorrow, and panic. Belting out a laugh brings our awareness from the head to the gut; it’s grounding. The saying goes that humor equals tragedy plus time, which implies a realization that this moment won’t be every moment, that what feels big now might seem smaller later. In short, laughter comes with a sense of perspective.

Laughing at yourself is not just a coping mechanism, it’s also an important part of light-hearted communication with others. People who take themselves too seriously all the time can be killjoys. The trick with humor is figuring out how to use it effectively without going overboard. Here are some ideas on how to communicate that to your child.

Model a lightness of spirit

Show that it’s okay to laugh at oneself by having the ability to take a joke. Give the person who’s making fun of you the benefit of the doubt, and assume they’re not trying to hurt or offend. Try not to be hypersensitive or too serious; take a deep breath and see the humor. I especially like to clown when I make a mistake or when I’m bored. At these moments, jokes help by distracting me from my anxiety, disappointment, or anger. This is especially important for me as the father of a little boy. Men traditionally have had trouble expressing weakness or seeming out of control, but I’d much rather laugh and release any negativity than swallow it down all stoic and tight-lipped.

Set limits by joking in moderation

My son told me about one of his favorite jokes to play at school: creeping up behind someone and making tweeting sounds, then looking around and saying, “It must be the birds outside.” He said this was so funny, he did it a few times each day. I shared with him the rule of three, which I learned years ago in a Beverly Cleary book about Ramona Quimby: once is funny, twice is enough, three times is too much. I told him how a joke, if repeated too many times, can become annoying, and he agreed that it was time to retire his bird routine.

Speak with a smile

Delivery matters. Looking at someone, making eye contact, smiling not just with your mouth but with your eyes—all of this body language clues the person into a joke. Verbally reminding them “I’m not serious!” is helpful too. Jokes are a different kind of communication; they’re not fully truthful. It’s almost like speaking in code. Let the person know you’re not talking with them in a serious way; otherwise, confusion sets in and meaning is misconstrued.

Kids know this better than most. I’m sure you’ve heard a child say something disrespectful or rude and then, when called out on it, say, “I’m just kidding—jeesh.” Of course, they’re not kidding at all; they’re just saying that to get off the hook. I make it clear this is not acceptable. Jokes cannot be covers for out-and-out rudeness, nor should they smokescreen aggression. The tone is just as important as the content, and the two have to be in sync for the joke to hit.

Remembering the importance of feelings

When someone gets bothered, offended, angry, or upset by something you’ve said and does you the favor of openly telling you they’re hurt, never reply dismissively. If a person’s feelings are hurt, it’s the joker’s responsibility to apologize. Jokes are great fun as long as everyone is in on it. Comedy is a two-way street. And a misplaced “lighten up” or “stop being so sensitive” will lose you the trust of that person.

Sometimes, I go too far. When Felix asks me something that to my mind sounds childish and a bit silly, I’ll quip in response. “Dad, stop, you’re kidding,” he’ll say in return. And yes, sometimes I’ll push him a bit by either telling a second joke or dryly replying “I never kid,” with a wink. That itself has become a joke. “Dad, you only say that when you are kidding!!” But if my poking fun goes further than that, as it did with the corn shucking, I apologize, and we talk it out. The kid’s got a great sense of humor, and I want him to smile, not grimace in annoyance (unless I’ve made a really corny pun or something).

He also recognizes that sometimes his dad’s onto something even when he isn’t quite ready to appreciate the joke. For instance, I just asked him if he remembered the night he cried because of shucking corn. “Oh yeah,” he said. “That was funny.”

Now that brings a smile to my face.

Top FIVE WAYS to protect your baby’s skin soft – PAMPER YOUR LITTLE ONE

 

 

A BABY – How do we describe a baby?? Priceless wonder, Humanity in its purest form, lovely little Angel parceled from Heaven, Cute bundle of joy, Beautiful and Innocent heart, Adorable gift from God, chubby bubbly pinkie doll.. I could go on and on about a baby, but words can’t really describe the happiness/wonderful feeling that you get when you hold a baby or just when you see a baby smile.  
   
A baby’s smile – with its small, round lips with a cute sound, it could just melt anyone’s heart. Baby’s skin – Soft,fragile and gentle to touch; like a feather, like the snow, like a flower, especially a baby’s feet which has not touched the ground yet. I would love to feel a baby’s feet on my cheeks till eternity. Isn’t it our responsibility to preserve the baby’s inner and outer beauty so that it stays the same beautiful, soft and a pure-hearted one when it grows up to explore the world?? As the baby crawls into its childhood and then into its adult world, the parents and the society should take all the responsibilities to make it a perfect human, with not even a slightest hint of evil form – envy, anger, cruelty, indifference, corruption, racism, etc; or simply the God destined all the humans to be. AAAhh, the baby’s just born, isn’t it? Let’s not worry about his/her inner qualities until he/she is out of our hands and off to explore their little world and get influenced by external factors. Until the baby is in our hands, in all its innocence and purity, let’s see what we can do about pampering its skin, (the first external shield of a baby) safe and soft.
Coming to its tender,delicate and soft skin, extreme care should be taken to protect it from rashes, allergies, skin infections, dust, harmful UV rays, chemicals etc. Mothers (Especially new mommies)  would tend to be nervous on protecting their baby’s skin from any possible damage. Would he/she fall down and get scratched? Would the new baby powder be gentle on my baby’s skin? Would he/she get any rashes? Would my baby be okay with the  new shampoo? etc. No worries, New mommie   We are here to help you. Over to top five ways to protect your baby’s soft & delicate skin safe from Home-Making-Delight..

Choose the baby’s outfit carefully

When you go shopping, baby’s apparel section is so irresistible, I agree. But, don’t you buy all those gaudy ones with Zari/buttons/fur/leather that might hurt the baby’s skin! Whenever you take your little one out, ensure that you make the baby wear soft clothing that is comfortable for him/her. If you are based out of Tropical countries, always ensure that you have dressed up your baby in cotton dresses. If you have bought a super-cool dress for some special occasion, try to change the dress as soon as it is possible for you. If the weather outside is too cold, dress up your doll with proper woolen clothes. Whatever you are putting on the baby, always ensure that it won’t hurt, cause allergy/rashes/sweat or make the baby uncomfortable.

Also, take extra care in washing your baby’s clothes. Ensure that you use warm water to wash baby dresses. Use dettol, whenever needed to wash the clothes.

Beware of Diaper Rashes

The most common problem that the babies face is Diaper Rash. Use diapers only when they are necessary. If you have no plans to take your baby outside, then don’t use the baby diapers. Instead, use soft cottony cloth diapers during day time. Of course, Baby Diaper is needed during night time, but at least during the day time,  let the baby be free. Always use a proper, branded diaper. If you buy cheap ones, you might end up hurting the baby with diaper rashes.

Gingelly (sesame) oil bath and Sun bath

People these days use to ignore the importance of Gingelly oil (Sesame oil) for skin. Massaging the baby with sesame oil could do wonders to the skin and growth of the baby. It rejuvenates, nourishes and moisturizes the skin very well. Coconut oil is also highly recommended for massaging. Once in two days, massage the baby’s skin well with coconut oil and let the baby out in the sun for ten minutes in the morning. When I say morning, I mean around 7AM, when there is enough Sun light and Vitamin D, not the UV rays   [Don’t you get the baby ready for Sun bath in the morning around 11AM!!!!]

Homemade herbal, baby wash powder

You could easily make a Homemade herbal baby wash powder to keep your little one’s skin soft and supple. You can mix  Kadalai Maavu (besan / gram flour), Payatha maavu (Green gram flour), Roja Mokku (Dry Rose petals – Available in a few supermarkets and most local shops – Naattu Marundhu kadai) and Kasthuri Manjal powder (A kind of turmeric (Haldi) called Wild Turmeric) in equal parts and use this to wash the baby’s skin twice or thrice a week. Kasthuri Manjal – Wild turmeric is aromatic and would protect the skin from infections and it won’t cause any problems in hair growth. So, it is safe to use on boy babies also. All other ingredients would help in nourishing the baby’s skin. Dry rose petals are known to help in maintaining the complexion of the baby.

Proper lotions, creams – use socks to avoid scratches, sunscreen

Whenever you are taking the baby out, use proper baby sunscreens on him/her to protect from harmful UV rays. Also, apply enough moisturizer whenever the skin seems to be dry. Choose all the baby products like baby oil, shampoo, lotions, moisturizers very carefully as the baby’s skin tend to be very delicate and sensitive. If the baby seems to be allergic to any product, stop using that product right away. Once the baby begins to crawl, his/her knee would get scratched very often. As and when they grow up, the knees would become dark,dry and rough. To avoid this, buy soft cotton socks (adults‘) and put that on your little one’s legs. Knees would be safe and your baby would have all the fun exploring the world.

 Pampers brings you the softest ever Pampers Premium Care Pants. Its cotton-like softness is #SoftestForBabySkin and allows it to breathe, thus keeping baby’s skin soft and healthy, and your baby happy.